South of the South

23-skidoo:

Sometimes I just miss being able to curl up in a ball and rest. I miss jumping onto the couch and rolling around and not worrying about my next move. I miss being able to dance without hesitation and sit without consequence. I miss the feeling of not feeling every step I take. I miss the warmth of the sun and the comfort of a bubble bath. I miss the sense of contentment that comes from fulfilling a craving. I miss laughing with my whole body. I miss “feeling” like me.

But I have a bed that welcomes me when I am able to relax. And I can dance with caution, which is better than not dancing at all. And I can laugh as loud as I want, as long as I am careful. I can close my eyes and dream of a pain-free utopia, but still be relieved to open them and realize that a smile from him is better than any dream I could ever conceive.

They say I feel too much. My nerves are sensitive and raw, both inside and out. But I’ll always feel love more than pain. And one day, when love eclipses my pain completely, I’ll be ready to dance without caution and all the nervous hesitation will disappear. And I’ll laugh with my whole body and smile at him, knowing we both felt the same all along, in our very own utopia.

Let’s twist again, like we did last summer…<3